1. Commercials don´t interrupt the whole fucking game. Sure, a lot of these guys make less than a kindergarten teacher, but at least Bud Light doesn´t chime in every 3 minutes to try to convince you that their beer doesn´t suck. (It still does.)
2. The men don´t wear mattresses on their shoulders. Tougher, manlier, and all-around hotter. Rawwwwr. And the sweat makes their uniforms stick to their chests…
3. No cheerleaders. It turns out women can do more than make sandwiches stand on the sidelines spelling the word “Go”.
4. The way choosing a side makes you sound kind of racist. Remember that time [insert country here] lost the war? Don´t feel afraid to remind them if they beat your country.
5. The excitement of wondering if Diego Maradona is going to collapse from a cocaine overdose again. No worries, Fidel´s on his speed-dial.
6. They´ll use any part of their body to stop the ball. Scoring a goal with your head, fuckin´ right!
7. The players actually run. If you waddle and weigh 400 lbs, get off the fucking pitch. That means you, Maradona.
8. It lasts a whole month long. That´s what she said.